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 Cairo, Egypt—home of the most ancient civilizations on earth—is widely believed to hold the secrets to all humanity. A window to the world’s distant past, it serves as a testament to some of mankind’s greatest physical achievements, from the Great Pyramids to the mighty Sphinx and the Karnak Temple. But for R&B superstar Alicia Keys, the cradle of civilization holds a more personal meaning. It was there that she rediscovered her humanity during a particularly difficult time last year.
Stressed by mounting pressure to produce her third album, As I Am, which drops November 13, Keys ventured to Africa all by herself, trekking down the Nile in search of musical inspiration, inner peace, and the space to contemplate her life far from the trappings of fame. What the singer found was unrest in her soul and a wall of pain around her heart. It was an unease that would deepen as she struggled, months later, with the death of a close friend. Also bowing under the weight of celebrity— the constant popping of flashbulbs, gossip-obsessed reporters, and too little time room to think and grow—Keys’s spirit began to wilt.
“I didn’t like myself,” confides the nine-time Grammy award–winning artist on the L.A. set of her video for “No One,” the emotionally searing first single off As I Am. Easily her most revealing, ambitious project to date, the album boasts an impressive roster of collaborators, including pop star John Mayer, veteran songwriter Linda Perry, superproducer Timbaland, crooner John Legend, and Marsha Ambrosius of Floetry. “I was becoming this person I didn’t recognize because I didn’t know who I was,” Keys admits. “I was so good at doing what was necessary—being where I was supposed to be, performing really well, and giving the best answers in interviews—but that’s not who I really was.”
Things got so bad for the singer that, for a while, she didn’t let anyone, not even her friends and family, in on her depression. “I didn’t know how to tell them, ‘I’m lonely’ or ‘I’m sad,’ ” says the 25-year-old New York native. “For the longest, I would just say, ‘I’m good’ or ‘I’m happy,’ but in the end I learned that [if you aren’t truthful] you get lost in this whirlwind of lies.”
To find herself, Keys realized she needed to confront the demons that had contributed to her “disconnecting from her emotions” in the first place. The only child of an Irish-Italian mother and a Jamaican father, she decided to fill a longtime void in her life: seeking to make peace with the man who had given her life. Alicia had been estranged from her dad after he walked out on her (and her mom) when Keys was 2 years old. But by trying to hurt him by maintaining the distance between them, she realized that she was only hurting herself.
 “I had to learn how to let go,” reveals the beauty, who says she had to pray for spiritual guidance three times a day during her search for self. “Every time I thought about [my dad], I would remember all these things about my childhood—the times my mother and I struggled [financially]—and I would get angry. So, here I am, holding on to all these feelings for years and years, and who’s the one who is hurt by it? Me. Who’s the one who keeps reliving the pain? Me. It didn’t make any sense.”
What also didn’t make sense was throwing so much of herself into her humanitarian causes when Keys’s own spiritual house was not in order. (She is the spokeswoman for the AIDS charity Keep a Child Alive and the youth achievement organization Frum the Ground Up, among scores of other philanthropic organizations). “I told her, it’s good to help out everybody...but, at the same time, you’re starving yourself,” says Keys’s longstanding manager and business partner Jeff Robinson. “Go climb the Himalayas,” he advised his client. “Go someplace where there are no photo shoots, no interviews, and no award shows, and find yourself.”
The budding actress and star of the recent film The Nanny Diaries took her manager’s words to heart. When she wasn’t traveling, she and her frequent songwriting partner Kerry “Krucial” Brothers holed themselves up in The Oven Studios, a recording haven they opened last year in Long Island, New York. One by one, they churned out the magic, producing lush, insightful songs like “Superwoman” (a shout-out to all the sistahs juggling a job, kids, and their dreams) and “Like You’ll Never See Me Again” (a quiet but passionate plea for love).
Of course, Keys doesn’t have to do any begging in real life. If you ask her, she’ll shyly admit that she is head over heels in love. When discussing whether the man in her life is actually Brothers, whom she’s known since she was a teenager, the R&B star is elusive but adorably transparent. Despite the smile in her voice, she opts to take the Jay-Z and Beyoncé approach: refusing to acknowledge the obvious. “Oprah Winfrey told me to never give it away,” she says simply.
Brothers, the executive producer for As I Am and the mastermind behind records for Keyshia Cole, Angie Stone, and Christina Aguilera, may not be telling either, but he’s a little less restricted with his feelings about his famous “friend.” “She’s really like an angel to me,” the producer says softly. “[She helps me] stay focused and stay hopeful. She’s just a huge inspiration.”
Brothers says that he and Keys laugh about once-persistent rumors that Keys is gay, a bit of gossip which she assures is not true. “I’m as straight as they come,” she says.
Now that Keys has tied up loose ends in her personal life, she is free to concentrate on what the future holds professionally. It’s rumored that she is in talks for a plum role in the upcoming movie version of Sex and the City, starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall. She’s also slated to star in the forthcoming biopic Composition in Black & White: The Life of Philippa Schuyler, about the famed biracial classical pianist—a project handpicked for her by Oscar winner Halle Berry. And she’s got a bunch of other projects on tap through Big Pita, Lil’ Pita (her movie production company with Jeff Robinson), from a comedy series on the CW network to a cartoon movie. The author of a successful poetry book, Tears for Water, Alicia hasn’t ruled out more writing either. Meanwhile, she’s making plans to spend more time with the loved ones who help keep her balanced, and, of course, there’s plenty of music in her future. U
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